"Another way many of us think unclearly is by going through life with a list of made-up obligations. We wake up in the morning with a long list of 'must do' items. After a while, our feet start dragging and we feel a heavy burden on our shoulders. But we 'must' press on. Such phoney obligations get in the way of clear thinking.
"There is very little in the world that we actually must do. Let’s face it, unless we are in jail or otherwise detained, we have complete freedom about how to spend our day. The reason we don’t just pack up and go sit on the beach every day is that our actions lead to outcomes—and many of our 'have to’s' give us the outcomes we want. Going to work, for example, provides camaraderie and a feeling of importance, as well as the money to buy the things we need and want. The 'I must' person tells himself that he must go to work. The clear-thinking person says, 'If I work at this job for another year, I’ll be able to buy a house. I could quit my job today, but if I want that house a lot, I’d better show up for work on Monday morning.'
"The 'I must' attitude increases our burdens and lessens our humanity. When we have goals in mind, we should reframe the issue from 'I must' to 'I want.' I want to go to work so that I can feed my kids, buy a car, buy a house, or change the world. If my goals don’t seem to justify the effort, then maybe I should rethink my goals and my overall strategy. When we act with clarity of mind, we cease being a fake prisoner and realise our true freedom."~ David Henderson, from his post 'Yes, I Can'
Friday, 25 February 2022
"Must I?"
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2 comments:
Similar to this: when I am about to say "I should..." now I change it to "I choose to... X... because..." and that reflects my values and gives me greater enthusiasm for mowing the lawn or visiting a grumpy relative or whatever.
I agree to a point. It definitely applies to phoney obligations - those that don't serve you well. But once you've worked out a certain course of action is in your interest, and provided you're regularly checking and re-examining if the action is still serving you well, you should go into the day with 'must do' approach to those actions.
Even if that action is hard, especially at first, it eventually becomes a habit and you don't regard it as a burden in the way he describes. The actions that tend to serve you most, and leave you felling the best in the long term always require some level of discomfort. So 'I must' should apply when you're in the middle of that discomfort.
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