Thursday, February 16, 2006

Those dirty Americans

YAHOO NEWS: BATTLE CREEK, Michigan, USA - A man who pleaded no contest to a sodomy charge involving a sheep says he should not have to register as a sex offender...
[Hat tip for the news, Paula at Ultrablog]


Hah! Time for some sheep jokes about Americans, the dirty buggers.
  • A Canadian bloke was walking down the street in Michigan when he saw a farmer going hammers and tongs on a sheep. The Canack yelled out, "Hey mate, in Canada we shear our sheep." The Seppo* turned around and said, "Piss off mate, I'm sharing none of this."
  • Q: What do you call safe sex in Michigan?
    A:Marking an 'X' on the sheep that kick.
  • 'A Michigan Nursery Rhyme'
    Mary had a little sheep
    With the sheep she went to sleep
    The sheep turned out to be a ram...
    Mary Had A Little Lamb.
  • A Canadian farmer and a Man From Michigan were walking out in the field one day and they spotted a sheep tangled in the wire fence.. "Wow!" said the Canack. "I wish that was a woman all tangled up in that there fence." Said the Man From Michigan, "I just wish it was dark!"
  • An American walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm and says: "Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache." His girlfriend is lying in bed and replies, "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot." The man says, "I think you'll find that I wasn't talking to you."
And in honour of the Pub-owner in Brigend, Co. Donegal, Ireland, who was convicted some years ago of running a brothel after he installed some sheep in a house behind his pub for the pleasure of his patrons:
  • Q: What do you call four sheep tied to a lampost in Donegal
    A: An Irish leisure centre
  • Q: What do you call an Irishman with a sheep under his arm?
    A: A pimp.
  • Q: What do you call an Irishman with sheep under one arm, and a goat under the other? A: A bisexual.
Now finally, just to finish off (so to speak), there's a message to sheep-shaggers at this link.
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*Seppo: rhyming slang. 'Seppo' = septic tank = Yank

3 Comments:

Blogger Bernard Darnton said...

Battle Creek, Michigan - home of perverts. This is the former stamping ground of dirty old Dr Kellogg, doctor at the Battle Creek Sanitarium and inventer of the eponymous corn flakes.
Dr Kellogg was a religious nutter with an unhealthy interest in teenage masturbation and enemas.
He thought that sweet and spicy food inflamed the passions and so invented the corn flake - the most boring food imaginable - to discourage youngsters from touching themselves if his unanaesthetised surgery didn't do the trick.
Corn flakes were later superseded in the bland food stakes by one of his colleagues who founded our very own Sanitarium and invented Weetbix.

2/16/2006 10:32:00 am  
Blogger Jude the Obscure said...

Mary had a little lamb
Her father killed it dead
Now Mary takes her lamb to school
Between two bits of bread.

2/16/2006 06:49:00 pm  
Blogger libertyscott said...

Bernard, this is why people who like vindaloo are really perverts - you do need your own blog!

2/16/2006 09:48:00 pm  

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