Do NOT watch this!

Please, I beg you, do not watch this video linked to below. Please do not click the link, and do not whatever you do head to LIBZ TV to watch it -- and even if you did head there and play the YOU TUBE video, then definitely do not open it full screen to make sure you can read all of the subtitles.

In fact, if you're an MP or member of the Green Party, then I implore you to ban it -- just like you try to ban everything that brings joy or walks tall in favour of everything that slithers.

"Ban." It's your favourite word, you know. Over recent years you've wanted to ban (and in many cases have succeeded in having banned) grape imports, alcohol ads, political speech for one year in three, ferrets, TV ads for kids, ads on TVNZ, growth hormones, native wood chip exports, native logging, pig swill, xenotransplantion trials, smacking, GE, field trials for GE, chemical trespass, property rights from the Bill of Rights, quick-fire logging, logging, fishing for toothfish, commercial fishing over much of New Zealand, whaling, 'toxic timber,' set-netting, bottom trawling, feeding animal remains to farm animals, battery cages, CCA-treated timber in playgrounds, direct-to-consumer advertising of drugs, crisps and meat pies from tuck shops, "the screening of programmes which sensationalise violence or use violence," "the routine feeding of antibiotics to healthy animals," GE maize, commercial releases of genetically engineered crops, "nuclear shipments from New Zealand's exclusive economic zone," sow crates, the dry sow stall, "weapons of mass destruction," the tooth fairy, nuclear powered vessels in our waters, beef imports from Britain to other European countries, "Japanese fishing boats from New Zealand waters," "the importation of all timber and timber products not certified as sustainable," "unsustainable" biofuels, open-cast mining, driven-shaft, gold mining, coal mining, mining, human cloning, sheep cloning, food irradiation, spray drift, all ships carrying nuclear weapons, wastes and fuel from the European Economic Zone, "backyard burning of rubbish such as plastics and treated timber," fireworks, "smoking in all workplaces including bars, restaurants and offices," "new uses of coal for energy," existing uses of coal of energy, new thermal power stations, "factory farming," dairy farming around Lake Taupo, dairy farming around Rotorua lakes, dairy farming in the Waikato river basin, "project-based approvals for the development of GE organisms," "all further building of prisons," free trade with China, junk food advertising to children, "the sale and long-term lease of New Zealand property to foreign investors," "the sale of toy tobacco products to under 18s," GM wheat, "environmentally destructive fishing methods," "uranium shipments," "the use of the antibiotic avoparcin in animal feed," "imports of cars older than 7 years," amalgam use in dentistry, the incineration of unsorted waste, unsorted waste, waste, "risky anti-depressants," "import of tissue for sheep cloning," 'trade in hazardous wastes," "'super baby' selection," plastic shopping bags, shopping bags, shopping, live sheep exports, and dihydrogen monoxide.

I'm sure you'll agree that it's a fair old list. If compiling it takes some effort, and I can assure you it did, then you might expect us to understand just how much single-minded dedication it must take to promote all that prohibition.

For all that you folks from the Green Party accuse every Tom, Dick & Harry of 'Greenwash' -- that is, "advertising, PR or spin that presents a government, company or its products as more environmentally friendly than is true" -- it's clearly you yourselves, every Russel, Sue and Keith of you, who are most guilty of Greenwash.

You see, as the leading interests of all your leading political candidates clearly indicate, you're barely environmentalists at all. You're not the light, fluffy green that your candle-worshipping and Morris dancing would indicate, you're the very deepest red, and you have been ever since you quietly and slowly took over from the hippies and stoners and reinserted the mantras of Mao and Trotsky into activists' heads.

So please, don't watch the video. Just ban it.

UPDATE 1: "Does this mean the Greens should review their policy of improving our environment by implementing a totalitarian dictatorship?" asks Psycho Milt at No Minister. "No worries there," he says, "since they don't have one."

Meanwhile, as if to prove Milt wrong, a desperate Greens leader Russel 'rustle' Norman trying to keep his his party's head above the five percent line is trying to calve off some floating NZ First voters with the unveiling of his party's latest ban: a ban on foreigners from buying property. Callum McPetrie tells you all you need to know about that.