Wednesday, 20 June 2007

Dalai Blander

Now that the Dalai Lama has left, can anyone tell me anything he said that was any more profound than something you'd find in the Women's Weekly?

Be nice to each other.
We're all brothers and sisters.
Share your toys.
World peace would be nice.

Now we know who writes the platitudes you find in fortune cookies, greeting cards and Bono's lyrics.

UPDATE: Julian points out that Penn & Teller are onto Mr Lama.
See Bullshit: Dalai Lama - YouTube. Summary:
Penn & Teller expose the Dali Lama's reasons for freeing Tibet. CIA funding was stopped, so he seeks financial assistance from Hollywood shills like Steven Seagal and Richard Gere...


Anonymous The Dalai Lama said...

"If you have a particular faith or religion, that is good. But you can survive without it."

"In the present circumstances, no one can afford to assume that someone else
will solve their problems. Every individual has a responsibility to help guide our global family in the right direction. Good wishes are not sufficient; we must become actively engaged."

20 Jun 2007, 09:56:00  
Anonymous Chairman Hu Jintao said...

Dalai Lama,

I had given authorization to the Republic's secret service to hunt you down and bring you back to the mainland so that you would be castrated.

20 Jun 2007, 10:13:00  
Anonymous the Lama formerly known as Dave Mann said...

Its no mystery why The Dalai Lama is so bland.... its because he is a fake.

I am the REAL Lama. My actual title is the Blinglee Lama and I am the true incarnation of the 31st Wunlerist Lama, which takes the temporary earthly form of a giant deep-sea squid that emerges from the sea exactly 18 years after the previous Lama's death, grows lungs and lives in a limestone cave near Waitomo, waiting to be discovered.

Since being found by my priestly search party in 1952, I have struggled to convince the world of my holiness, but to no avail. For some reason, people just laugh at me and this is something which I find quite hurtful, actually.

But all this is irrelevant. I believe in myself, so that is all that really matters. However, I still can't help wondering if my message of the sacred-toned universal guitar tuning will reach more people if I can cultivate more meaningful relationships with the world's rock and pop stars.

I'm working on this.

20 Jun 2007, 10:56:00  
Blogger Julian said...

Well our good friends Penn and Teller have a few things to say about His Holiness.

20 Jun 2007, 16:34:00  
Anonymous Dave Mann said...

Oh Julian, THANK YOU!! This item is priceless.

20 Jun 2007, 17:29:00  

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