Phil goofs

This morning Phil Goff gave his last set-piece speech for this year, and his first for next year’s election campaign.

Allow me to summarise:

Hi there, my name is Phil Goff.

NZ’s middle classes need my help…

…but if we get elected next year, I’m not going to cut their taxes.

New Zealanders need relief from rising prices…

…so we will “reform” Reserve Bank and monetary policy to allow price inflation to go higher.

It’s essential that “we get crown debt down…”

…so I give you my solemn promise we won’t cut spending.

An “active government with vision and a plan is needed…”

…but I give you my solemn promise we won’t raise spending.

National has been picking winners who weren’t, by  cutting taxes in “the wrong areas”…

…so instead we’re going to “actively manage the economy” by picking different winners, and throwing huge subsidies at them…

…and I give you my solemn promise we won’t raise spending.

In short, I’m going to give everyone a pony…

…but I give you my solemn promise we won’t raise spending.

And finally, I know people are tired of the politicking of MMP…

…so I’m not going to rule out going into coalition with Winston Peters.

My name is Phil Goff. You’ve been a great audience…

…and if you hear of any good barbecues over the summer…