Monday, September 20, 2010

Rock Retractions

The funniest thing on Twitter for the last few days  is the ongoing and seemingly inexhaustible #RockRetractions thread—i.e., second thoughts on famous rock lyrics.  Like …

There's a lady who knows all that glitters is gold, and she's  buying a condo in Phoenix.

I've been through the desert on a horse whose name I didn't quite  catch.

I get knocked down. And I curl up into the fetal position and whimper.

I just passed out in your arms tonight.

OK. Actually only three people were Kung Fu fighting. And they really weren't all that fast.

In an effort to promote a more eco-friendly lifestyle, Papa's bag is now recycled.

I ain't doing shit for Mr Kite.

It was kind of a relief when her daddy took the T-Bird away.

We're gonna have a fairly good time together.

I am appropriately sexy for my shirt.

She blinded me with Chemical Mace.

Piano says "not guilty." Never touched a drop.

C - O - N - T - E - M - P - T, find out what it means to me...

Don't you put your shoes under my bed. Damn things smell.

On reflection, the frost was more yellow than pink.  Damned huskies.

I fucking hate my leather jacket. Been wearing it for thirty frigging years.

Did I say north by north-west. Sorry, I meant south ….

Found myself a blue-rinsed lady, to make my retirement alright.

You know, Leroy Brown's mellowed out a lot...

Love chafes.

There are no more houses in New Orleans.

What's puzzling you is the fact that I'm a fictitious construct intended to frighten believers into obedience.

Springsteen has decided that tramps like us were actually born to stroll at a leisurely pace.

You will, in fact, need money, fame and a credit card to ride this train.

What was  I thinking. Sydney harbour shits all over that fucking promenade.

On second thought, happiness *isn't* a warm gun. - John Lennon.

Thirty-six hours in moderate discomfort.  Methadone’s great.

Freedom is actually another word for exemption from external control.

You might as well go home with your hard-on.

Okay, I also shot the deputy.

Actually, we'd prefer you didn't come on Eileen. She thinks it's icky.

That's not brass in pocket, I'm just happy to see you.

This train is bound for the next news cycle.

Get up, Sally. 

My aim is truly awful.

I wanna be quite liked.

Allah built my Skateboard.

Something else matters.

Business trip to Cambodia.

Time really likes to play devil's advocate.

Give it up, Marsha. This thing is over.

Polly says her back's feeling better, and she's now alert and ready for study.

I knew the bride when she used to do the waltz.

If you choose not to decide, you are probably a California state legislator.

After lengthy deliberation, we concede that in fact Floccinauccinihilipilification seems to be the hardest word.

There's OFTEN something there to remind me. But not always.

Given the results of the paternity test I am forced to acknowledge that the kid is, in fact, my son.

It IS only rock & roll, and I don't really like it.

We came in from the west sea, and established several beneficial community outreach programs in the inner cities.

Actually, I CAN stand losing you. It's my keys I'm worried about...

Well, this is awkward. Turns out we DID start the fire.

If I could turn back time, I probably wouldn't get asscheek tattoos

I gave a man a gentle hug in Reno, and then we talked about our feelings.

Why don't we do it somewhere more private?

Y'know, it's actually not that far to the top.

Come to think of it, I WOULD do that for love. Hell, I'll do that for a decent sandwich.

Why can't Nigel make his OWN frigging plans. Arsehole.

Dirty deeds are considerably more pricey than you'd expect.

You can't hide your lying naughty bits.

You know, there really isn't any way out of here.

I wouldn't really walk 500 miles to your door. Maybe a couple of Ks?

Ziggy actually played a banjo.Badly.

Actually, Her Majesty has a considerable amount to say.

Come to think of it, we probably will get fooled again.

Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.

Tomorrow sometimes does know.

Liberal democracy in the U.K.

Been caught donating.

Search and repair.

I just recounted - I owe you a luft balloon.

Hope I die before I get to late middle-age.

Okay, okay, I let the dogs out.

I, want to rock and roll all night - and part of every day.

She's Regained Control Again.

Well, it WAS a good year for the roses, until the Japanese beetles showed up.

You know it's true: everything I do, I do it mostly with my own interests in mind.

Upon further reflection, only a self-selected few ought to get stoned.

Girls wanna have fun, meaningful work, healthy relationships, a reliable car, and a nice house.  And babies.

Puff, the great big lizard, lived behind the Walmart, but he did have a sea-view, if he craned his head out the window.

Actually. I perambulate in a sort of Moroccan fashion.

OK, so I DO know what I want and know how to get it.

Turns out it was just mist on the water.

Tonight's The Night? Actually, Tomorrow Works Better For Me.

Here we are now, but we can entertain ourselves, thanks very much.

Turns out I was made for loving your sister.

Thank you, I might sometimes do what you tell me.

For safety's sake, let's take a nap on our way to Hammersmith.

Actually, not everybody hurts.

You shook me for 2-3 minutes & then I fell asleep.

Hey Ho, Let's Not Go.

As a matter of fact, that IS my beautiful wife.

In the midnight hour, she cried "I'm tired, and I've got work in the morning."

Remember that time you reached out and I wasn't there? Had to take a leak.

It's not that he don't like it, but the sharif thinks the guitar part just before the bridge needs work.

Don't pay attention to the huskies and have your fill of that there colored snow.

Why Don't We Practice Abstinence In The Road?

Building a city on rock n' roll is geologically irresponsible.

Just reset the alarm before you go-go.

I still haven't found what I'm ... oh wait, there it is.

I'll most likely give you up, and will undoubtedly let you down.

No one has ever called me Maurice.

Sorry, it was "Murray."  The wind was crying "Murray."

I will continue to share-milk on Maggie's farm. For the moment.

Truthfully, I knocked out Sad Eyed Lady one rainy afternoon in Peoria.

When I think about you, I don't touch myself. I thank G-d for the restraining order.

I probably wouldn't like you better if we slept together.

Perhaps we do need some education.

Actually, this monkey never made it to heaven.

"I never had afternoon delight with that woman." Bill Clinton

Actually, I just called because I'm leaving you for your accountant.

Perhaps it would be prudent to slip out the side garage door, Jack.

I'm still very fond of her, but that ride over to the Jersey side is becoming kind of a hassle.

At some point I probably completely forgot what I was looking for.

In truth there are some times when she hasn't been a woman to me.

On reflection, we are going to take it.

I skimmed the news headlines today, oh boy.

Here comes my 15th nervous breakdown. Previous count was incorrect.

Who can it be now? / Oh, it's only you.

You're so modest, you probably don't even realize this song is about you.

Janie's got a slingshot, some gum, and a pocketful of pebbles.

You know, tramps like us, baby we were born to take public transport.

Okay, take the goddamn Kodachrome. I'm goin' digital.

Inertia and the conservation of angular momentum make the rocking world go 'round.

When I find myself in times of trouble, self-medication really does it for me.

I get knocked down...and I stay down. I'm drunk, not stupid.

She's got legs but she's somewhat uncertain of what to do with them.

That deaf, dumb and blind kid can't even find the frigging pinball machine.

Well I heard there was a secret chord that David played and it broke two strings. Boy is his big brother pissed.

In all honesty, I hate Pina Coladas.

Don't walk away Renee. I think you dropped something.

Nothing Compares To Spelling Like A Dyslexic 12 year-old.

And She Wasn't.

Right now.... right now it's time to... gather up the jams and bring them back inside.

Not having the best time at the Hotel California. Getting directions to the Holiday Inn.

I see a red door and I think it nicely complements the shutters.

A working class beer hall is not much to see.

Actually, there is a second prize. It's a 2 week holiday in Reykjavík.

Technically, only 85% of what she does is magic.

I found what I'm looking for. Thanks.

Boogie claims innocence. Points finger at moonlight.

With a rebel yell, I cried "that's enough!”

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