Wednesday, June 02, 2010

DOWN TO THE DOCTOR’S: Key cutting

Libertarianz leader Dr Richard McGrath ransacks the newspapers for stories and headlines on issues affecting our freedom.

This week: Key cutting

Our Prime Minister created ripples this week that extended well beyond the borders of the Shaky Isles when he shared the fact that he has been vasectomised.

In fact he thought getting a vasectomy was such a good idea that he now wants to make the process compulsory, starting with his Cabinet Ministers. [Some of us would advocate a much deeper cut – Ed.] Given that last month was NZ Music Month, ministers were asked to nominate a song they would prefer as background music while their work is done.

Deputy Prime Minister Bill English nominated Rod Stewart’s ballad ‘The First Cut Is The Deepest.’

Maurice Williamson could only think of the Joy Division dirge ‘Love Will Tear Us Apart.’

Gerry Brownlee betrayed possible hillbilly ancestry when he suggested Lynard Skynard’s ‘Gimme Back My Bullets.’

Murray McCully came over all misty-eyed as he recalled the Neil Diamond/Barbra Streisand classic ‘You Don’t Bring Me Condoms Any More.’

Judith ‘Crusher’ Collins had to be restrained from launching into a rendition of ex-Kiss member Ace Frehley’s number ‘Rip It Out.’

Wayne Mapp, a golden oldies fan, suggested ‘Great Balls of Fire’ by Jerry Lee Lewis.

Chris Finlayson may have an S&M streak as he recalled 80s band Culture Club and their song ‘Do You Really Want To Hurt Me’, along with John Mellencamp’s ‘Hurt So Good.’

Nathan Guy thought ahead to possible future children post-vasectomy with his suggestion, Jim Croce’s 1973 hit ‘If I Could Save Sperm In A Bottle.’

Tim Groser winced as he hummed the tune to REM’s ‘Losing My Religion.’

Georgina Te Heu Heu cackled as she remembered a song by Queens of The Stone Age: ‘Suture Up Your Future.’

Tony Ryall contemplated elective surgery of a sterilising nature to Nirvana’s tune ‘Half The Man I Used To Be.’

Paula Bennett’s ideal background music as she supervises Phil Goff’s family planning with a rusty tin lid would be Gloria Estafan’s ‘Cuts Both Ways.’

Jonathan Coleman, a medical doctor, said he would prefer to do his own vasectomy with the benefit of local anaesthesia to a medley by Nine Inch Nails – ‘The Beauty of Being Numb’, ‘Somewhat Damaged’ and ‘Mr Self Destruct.’

Toward the end of his media conference yesterday, the Prime Minister said real men bike home after their vasectomies. He was then asked how things are in the nutsack region these days.

‘Love Hurts,’ he replied.   

[Note: The Libertarianz Party’s policy on vasectomies is that they should be done by mutual consent in the private sector, by whatever practitioner a person wants to employ. The medical monopoly and crumbling public hospital system should be opened up to competition, thus putting downward pressure on the cost of this surgical procedure.]

When the people fear the government, there is tyranny - when the
government fear the people, there is liberty.
- Thomas Jefferson  

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2 Comments:

Anonymous ACT Youth said...

Why not advocate to go for something like castration for all of them, huh? That's much, much better.

6/02/2010 10:26:00 am  
Anonymous Richard McGrath said...

What a shame, if the surgeon's knife was to slip...

6/02/2010 01:25:00 pm  

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