Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Wine flu update

A correspondent writes in:

I had a dinner party last night, where I and other guests enjoyed copious alcohol. I awoke this morning not feeling well, with what could be described as flu-like symptoms; headache, nausea, chills, sore eyes etc.
    From the results of some initial testing, I have unfortunately tested positive for what experts are now calling Wine Flu. This debilitating condition is very serious—and it appears this is not an isolated case. Reports are flooding in from all around the neighbourhood of others diagnosed with Wine Flu.
To anyone that starts to exhibit the aforementioned tell-tale signs, experts are recommending a cup of tea and a bit of a lie down. However, should your condition worsen, you should immediately hire a DVD and take some Nurofen [Nurofen seems to be the only drug available that has been proven to help combat this unusual type of flu].  
    Others are reporting a McDonald’s Happy Meal can also help in some cases.
    Wine Flu does not need to be life threatening, and if treated early can be irradiated within a 24-48 hour period.  If not, then further application of the original liquid in similar quantities to the original dose has been shown to do the trick.

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12 Comments:

Blogger MikeE said...

Blue Powerade is the only cure

4/29/2009 01:15:00 pm  
Blogger PC said...

Tragically, I searched Shaun Holt's site for remedies, and came up with nothing.

However, after many years of extensive research, I can confirm that I have seen excellent results from scrambled eggs with toast and vegemite.

The vegemite, you understand, is crucial.

4/29/2009 01:32:00 pm  
Anonymous gregster said...

(irradiated or eradicated?)

Funny, especially as I have a hangover.

4/29/2009 02:07:00 pm  
Anonymous Observer said...

I too have been known to suffer from this affliction; however, I have proven, through detailed research, that either a fresh bottle of Shiraz, or a plate of Steak & crisp french-fries, is an efficacious treatment.

NB.
This affliction should not be confused with the outbreak of Fline Shlue discussed on the National Radio morning show at 7:08 this morning, which sounded terrifying by name as well as symptoms!

4/29/2009 02:24:00 pm  
OpenID Bernard Darnton said...

Life imitates art:

Herald: Passengers drunk, not infected by swine flu

4/29/2009 05:03:00 pm  
Blogger Shane Pleasance said...

I have occasionally contracted Wine flu. Usually precipitated by copious amounts of jollity, contracted through fluids infected with alcohol, shared with friends. Sadly, being male and now advancing years, it usually progresses to Whine flu, a condition which buys even less sympathy.

In truth, the only cure is time, fluids, and a short memory.

4/29/2009 05:52:00 pm  
Blogger libertyscott said...

One time my mum caught it, she wasn't my mum before she caught it, but after.

See how disturbing it can be?

4/29/2009 11:52:00 pm  
Blogger Madeleine said...

Let's hope that you don't get a repeat bout following Thursday's Bloggers Bash.

5/03/2009 11:20:00 pm  
Blogger PC said...

I fear the worst!

5/04/2009 09:36:00 am  
Blogger Andy Levy-Stevenson said...

I checked my symptoms, and I think I suffered from wine flu throughout much of my college life:

What is Wine Flu?But I also had issues with beer flu, and even vodka flu on one awful occasion.

5/05/2009 05:09:00 pm  
Blogger sagekoach said...

Wine Flu symptoms are odd. In the case of Wine Flu, people feel better when they have it and worse when they have gotten over it. This is a different experience than when people have other forms of flu. This deserves more study. I am studying this right now. Perhaps you have gathered that by now.

5/11/2009 12:12:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think i've got a case !!

6/14/2009 05:45:00 pm  

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