Sunday School: More Good Biblical Advice, #137
More of God's good advice on torture here from his Big Book of Stories and Stuff. Just remember, children, sometimes you have to beat people for their own good (although don't try it at home). And remember, too, that the Christian God isn't evil for giving such advice, he's just misunderstood -- or as one commenter argued recently here at Not PC, "Sometimes you have to do evil to do good."
If you're a real adept, you can say all that with a straight face.