Tuesday, 12 June 2007

Nanny State Has Gone Berserk!

Nanny State Has Gone Berserk!
Nanny tells us . . .

We may not discipline our children
We may not let them eat tasty food
We must pay for hysterical advertising that treats adults like children
We must not watch advertising that treats us like adults
We may not drive fast cars in industrial areas at night
We may not climb tall ladders
We may not act in ways that Nanny deems "anti-social"
We may not buy vitamins and minerals without a prescription from Nanny
We may not drink alcohol in public places
We may not smoke cigarettes at work or in the pub
We may not smoke marijuana anywhere
We may not ride a bicycle without a helmet
We may not walk a poodle without a muzzle
We may not buy fireworks that go ‘Bang!’
We may not put up bright billboards or sandwich boards around our cities
We may not cut down trees on our own property
We may not repair our own property if Nanny says we can't
We may not plant trees on our own property without Nanny’s approval of the type of tree
We may not paint our houses in colours of which Nanny disapproves
We may not build houses at all where Nanny says we can’t
We may not advertise for young female employees
We may not open for business on days Nanny specifies
If we do open for business, we must act as Nanny's unpaid tax collectors
We may not fire staff who steal from us
We may not fire staff, whatever their employment contract says
We must surrender our children to Nanny’s factory schools
We must pay for teachers that can’t teach and for centres of education that aren’t
We must believe that Alan Bollard knows what he’s doing
We must believe that our money is not our own
We must not call bureaucrats “arseholes”
We must not offend people paid to boss us around with our money
We must answer stupid questions when Nanny asks us
We may not spend our own money in ways of which Nanny disapproves
We may not defend ourselves against people who try to kill us
We must pretend that snails are more important than we are
We must pretend that murderers are people too
We must pretend that totalitarian Islamists do not want us dead, that Castro’s hospitals are not abattoirs, and that Che Guevara was a humanitarian
We must apologise to tribalists for things we didn’t do
We must not offend criminals for things they did do
We must apologise to conservationists for things we need to do
We must apologise for success
We must ignore failure
We may not build new power stations that actually produce real power
We must not offend Gaia by driving big cars and enjoying overseas holidays … unless we’re a cabinet minister
We may not end our own lives when we choose
We must pay for art we don’t like and TV shows we don’t watch
We must pay middle class families to become welfare beneficiaries
We must pay no-hopers to breed

Are we all going mad … ?
Time to throw Nanny from the train.
Tell Nanny to “Go to hell!”
And start living like a goddamned adult!


  1. Spot on, PC. Remember to fish this out for use prior to the election next year.

  2. Absolutely right on target.

  3. Gosh. What a list. Yes, Nanny ought to be fired, but then, we're probably not allowed to.

  4. A wee birdie tells me that Muriel Newman's next newsletter may be addressing this very thing this week.

  5. And businesses must act as unpaid tax collectors that get major penalties if they make even small mistakes.

    And we may not make even minor renovations in our own home without paying taxes and fees and gaining permission.

  6. Here is sonething from a book.

    "Subvert them. Contest everything. Every traffic ticket, every invoice, every regulation, subvert it all. Always change the way you spell your name. Use all sorts of nicknames. Nothing bothers administrators so much as when you tell them your name is something like "Pighole" or "Pixiesmith" or "UmmagonnastickU" and then keep altering the name slightly during the conversation. There are always the favourites like "Baron Von Krupp" and "Juan Krugeryahooppee" as well. Plenty of people use those and have been entertained. join in the fun. Tell a good story and when they can't find the file say you'll call back in an hour, then don't bother. Call back a few days later and start all over again. Remember to cough and wheeze. If you can manage to pass wind in a small interview room, do it. Make it silent. Make it stink. Do not comment or apologise. Do another one. Remember it's natural. If you can get away with it, ignore the regulation that obstructs you completely. For example, the car is neither registered, nor warranted. Make up thy own stickers. Dump inorganic rubbish in front of councillor's houses. For things you can't ignore, make everything as vexatious, difficult or as complex as possible. make lots of hard and pointless tasks for the administration. Always send in letters (never emails, never phone calls- never be available for easy contact). Letters should be hand written, feature poorly constructed sentances (to the point of unintelligiblity), plenty of unidentifyable stains and at least one page missing. Always refer to somone else who works in there who is handling your case. Be vague about this person. Be definate about what they promised they'd do for you. Ask why it was not accomplished already. Be polite but imprecise. Be slow and a little thick. Above all do what you were going to do anyway."

  7. That's good advice, aninomosu! What's the name of the book?

    It reminds me of Harry Browne's message, before he was U.S. Presidential candidate for the Libertarian Party. From the back cover of How I Found Freedom In An Unfree World - "Bestselling author Harry Browne shows you how easy it is to break out of the traps that may be preventing you from having a truly free existence and live the way you want to without having to change the world or the people around you."


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