Military wit & wisdom

Here's some military humour. Nothing as funny as councillors unilaterally declaring their bailiwicks a City of Peace, mind. If only Warsaw could have done that so easily in 1939, eh?

• "A slipping-gear could let your M203 grenade-launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit." - Army's Magazine of Preventive Maintenance.
• "Always aim towards the Enemy" - Instructions printed on U.S. Rocket-Launcher
• "It is necessary for technical reasons that these warheads should be stored with the top at the bottom and the bottom at the top. For clarity, the top has been labelled 'bottom'." - US Navy safety label
  
• "When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend." - U.S. Marine Corps
• "Cluster-bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed always to hit the ground." - USAF Ammo Troop
• "If the Enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal
• "It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you just bombed." - U.S. Air Force Manual
• "Whoever said the pen is mightier then the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons." - General MacArthur
• "Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." - Infantry Journal
• "You, you, and you... Panic. The rest of you come with me." - U.S. Marine Gunnery Sgt.
• "Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance
• "Five-second fuses only last three-seconds." - Infantry Journal
• "Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything." - U.S. Navy Swabbie
• "Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." - David Hackworth
• "If your attack is going too well, you're walking into an ambush." - Infantry Journal
• "No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection." - Joe Gay
• "Any ship can be a minesweeper. Once."
• "Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." - Unknown Marine Recruit
• "Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."
• "If you see a bomb technician running, follow him." - USAF Ammo Troop
• "You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3." - Paul F. Crickmore (Test-pilot)
• "The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."
• The three most common expressions (or famous last words) in aviation are: "Why is it doing that?", "Where are we?", and "Oh S...!"
  
• "Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to complete the flight successfully."
• "A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its maximum." - Jon McBride, Astronaut
  
• "You know that your landing gear is up-and-locked when it takes full-power to taxi to the terminal."