Sunday, 29 April 2007

Sunday Hymn: Suck up to Jesus.

The words of an old hymn, changed to reflect the reality of religious worship: a position wholly inappropriate to human beings; one of crawling appeasement -- on your knees before a figment of man's own imagination.


Stand up, stand up for Jesus,
This is our battle cry.
All ye who don't believe us
In Hell will surely fry.
To dogma we bow gladly;
To reason we don't bend.
The truth does not concern us;
We'd rather just pretend.

Kiss up, kiss up to Jesus,
Imaginary boss.
Oh, Great Hallucination,
Without you we are lost.
Our self-respect goes down with us
When we get on our knees.
But if we really grovel,
Salvation is a breeze.

Suck up, suck up to Jesus,
Imaginary friend.
It's party-time at your place
After our lives end.
To reach your cosmic Disneyland,
We'll genuflect and cower;
We'll kiss your ass forever,
Pretending you'll save ours.

But now I've done some thinking
About this savior-dude,
And after due reflection,
Here is what I conclude:
This mindless little carpenter
Was mentally unglued,
And thanks to his religion
Humanity got screwed.

I live my life for me now;
This is my sacred right.
I scorn all gods and masters;
On mankind they're a blight.
I'll raise the torch of reason,
Our one and only hope,
Until the cross of Jesus
Goes up in holy smoke.

Beware of true believers
Who try to suck us in --
Snake-oil hawkers selling
Imaginary sin.
They're dying to convert us
By sword or by the pen,
But if we fall for their lies,
We're suckers born again.

They have the nerve to tell us
We're sinful from our birth.
Their God is cruel and jealous,
Disdainful of our worth.
A pompous little potentate,
He's peevish, he's perverse.
Down with cosmic tyrants;
We have enough on Earth.

Now, pride and self-reliance
Are virtues to admire.
Be noble and defiant;
Live life as you desire.
The heaven that you seek is here;
It's well within your reach.
You hold it in your own hands
And need not God beseech.

May humans thrive forever --
Man, woman, girl and boy.
Our noblest endeavor
Is living life with joy.
And so with reason's counsel,
Stand up and go forth --
Claim your glorious birthright:
This life, this time, this Earth!!

[Pinched from Noodle Food.]


  1. PC said...
    Stand up, stand up for Jesus...

    Dang! You've just used a title of a favorite hymn song of mine.

    Stand up, stand up for Jesus

    I am sure that if you stop listening to Wagner's classical music just for second and listen to the Stand up, stand up for Jesus hymn, then you realize that hymn is in the same par as Wagner. Go on, click on the link and try it.

  2. I;m sure that next time you sing 'Stand up, stand up for Jesus' you can easily substitute the words above. They'll be very popular. :-)

  3. Well done. I look forward to a similar poem about Mohammed.

  4. May humans thrive forever --

    Both optimistic and unimaginative. The Singularity is merely decades away.

  5. "I look forward to a similar poem about Mohammed."

    Replace 'Jesus' with Mohammed and you've just about got it.

    Two huge egos and all around wingnuts spouting different sorts of insanity...Somehow we've got to find a way to have these two converse.


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