Monday, January 23, 2006

Jeanette feels self-important

And now, from our Humour & Myth Department: Jeanette Fitzsimplesimons absurdly megalomaniacally titled 'State of the Planet' speech given at Blenheim over the weekend.

"Getting richer is not making people happier," she says. New Zealanders have "blood on their hands" because... well, just because Jeanette says so really. It's a bit hard to fathom. The New Zealand military should have intervened earlier in East Timor, but it shouldn't have at all in Iraq; we shouldn't even have a military, but we should send a frigate to protect the whales. Trees are good and we really, really need the Carbon Tax to make sure industry is strangled (but aren't trees bad, and methane the bigger problem?)

"The Labour-led Government," Fitzsimons also declared, "was unable to be more than a 'caretaker' Administration," and it had "no obvious new ideas, no vision for creating a more habitable world... It is a Government which will be notable mainly for preventing a National agenda rather than for implementing anything positive." Now there at least we can agree -- except that as a libertarian I'm hoping the Labour-led government will be unable to implement anything at all. But I digress.

The whole speech doesn't yet seem to be online yet -- understandably neither Frogblog nor the Greens' website seem eager to embarrass themselves by posting it -- so all we can go on at present are the various media reports. Still, there's enough there to get on with. Have a browse, and treat it like a good mental puzzle, you know, something like Sudoku. Give yourself one mark for every logical fallacy, blatant contradiction, or error of fact you spot in her ramblings. Give yourself five marks for every sign of chutzpah you highlight, in which Jeanette tries to posture as the 'Mother of the Planet,' and ten points for demonstrating how implementation of Green Party policies would itself cause a 'Giant Leap Backwards' about which Jeanette herself fulminates in her speech.

Feel free to post your marks and all your answers below. Marks will be awarded for your working.

[UPDATE: Jeanette Fitzsimons State of the Planet Speech - Scoop]

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3 Comments:

Blogger Oswald Bastable said...

Could be an idea for a drinking game...

1/23/2006 10:44:00 am  
Anonymous george said...

what a bloody rant. It probably cleared the waihopai catchment of rabbits

1/23/2006 10:44:00 pm  
Anonymous Sus said...

Jeanette wouldn't have the matzo balls for real 'chutzpah'.

The best definition I ever heard of chutzpah came straight out of Brooklyn, NY:

'The man who was convicted of murdering his parents, then begged the judge for mercy on account of his being an orphan!'

1/25/2006 11:06:00 am  

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