Friday, 22 April 2005

The perfect martini does exist

After lengthy research, and many repetitions of that research, I have much pleasure in announcing that I can now reveal the recipe for the perfect martini. It exists, it is real, it can be yours!

The perfect martini is made with vodka, not gin, and is made with the best vodka you can buy/bludge/cadge from someone who has just come through Duty Free. Absolut and Stolichnaya are good. And yes, it must be shaken, not stirred (can I hear some mumbling at the back from the purists?)

Now take your shaker and fill it with crushed ice. Let it sit for a second as you get two glasses out (you just can't drink a martini alone) and put in each glass an olive, a cocktail onion and about a teaspoon of brine from either olive or onion.

Now, accuracy is important now: pour over the ice in the shaker six measures of vodka and three measures of extra dry vermouth. Shake vigorously, pour into the glassware and enjoy its clear oiliness as it fills the glass.

The ideal serving accompaniments are at least one friend, and the Benny Goodman Small Groups CD on your player. The Breakfast at Tiffany's soundtrack is an acceptable alternative.

See you in the morning. (Hic) And in the meantime, feel free to post your own perfect martini recipe below.


  1. Pah! Das ist ein Martini fur Gurlie-Men! Here's how you do it properly:

    Chuck some ice in a shaker, then sprinkle half a shot of dry vermouth over the top. Pop the lid on and roll the vermouth around the shaker so it adheres to the ice. If you do it right, when you take the lid off and tip the remainder out, there should only be a few drops come out.

    Then you measure in four shots of GIN. Not woosy girly vodka, GIN! Ideally South or Bombay Sapphire. Tanqueray is also okay, but never ever use Gordons! (yicch)

    Then you give it a good stir. No shaking. Then you peel some skin off a lemon with a knife until you have enough for two nice curls. Take two frozen martini glasses, pour the contents of the shaker into the glasses, then curl up the lemon peels until they start to "bleed" oil and drop them in.

    Best drunk accompanied by Frank, or if you're feeling a bit bohemian, Scott Walker. So money, baby!

  2. This is a rare thing. A comment that is spot-on.

    That is, near to perfect, how a martine should be made.

    The use of crushed ice in the original recipe will mean your martini, which should by rights be little more than vermouth tinged cold vodka or gin, is actually going to turn out somewhere between a slushy (very sophisticated)and a watered down wuss drink.

    Five years of cocktail bartending stands behind this thought. Though one thing five years also taught me was that the custormer, in all their varied drinks quirks, is right if thet like it their way, so long as they actually know they are deviating.

  3. Good to see some other martini enthusiasts. I have to say ~that~ you're a martini enthusiast is definitely more important that what kind of martini you prefer. My salutations to you both. :-)

    As to those following my own recipe for the perfect martini, perhaps I should have warned you that to ensure your drink ~doesn't~ become a "watered down wuss drink" that you use the strainer in your shaker, cold vodka and only poorly crushed ice. Watered down it definitely shouldn't be!

    Frank is acceptable as an accompaniment, if you must - as of course is gin when the vodka runs out :-) - but for my own recommendation of bohemian accompaniment might I suggest either Mick Harvey's Serge Gainsborough albums, or indeed old Serge himself.

    (Only four hours until my next martini.) :-)

  4. Three measures of vermouth!?! I think you mean 3 drops. But I agree vodka is preferrable to gin and I keep Stoli in the freezer at all times for the purpose. I have experimented with giant capers instead of olives a few times and they weren't bad. And absolutely shaken not stirred.

    I save my gin to have with tonic but, if needs must, Tanqueray is preferrable to Bombay Saphire in a Martini.

    Choice of music depends entirely on what stage in the evening it is.

  5. I worked in pubs in the 1970's.
    One puts crushed ice in the glass and swishes it around to cool the glass.
    Tip the ice out. Then one puts a few drops of bitters and swishes it around. Next add the gin and swish around. Then add the vermouth... and add a piece of fresh lemon.

  6. Why do airport Duty Free stores never stock Dry Vermouth?


1. Commenters are welcome and invited.
2. All comments are moderated. Off-topic grandstanding, spam, and gibberish will be ignored. Tu quoque will be moderated.
3. Read the post before you comment. Challenge facts, but don't simply ignore them.
4. Use a name. If it's important enough to say, it's important enough to put a name to.
5. Above all: Act with honour. Say what you mean, and mean what you say.