Thursday, 13 October 2016

“Don’t act like you own your children” [updated]


If there are children who suffer from the poverty of low expectations, there are many others suffering the pain of living out the expectations of their parents, instead of their own. Australian novelist and father of x Vinay Kolhatkar has some timely advice for such parents: “Don’t Act Like You Own Your Children.”

“You don’t own your children.” If those five words were ingrained in us, half the parenting problems in the world, and half the parent-child relationship strains would disappear. “No, I can’t bring them to your wedding, because they are not suitcases or trophies; they would rather be doing something else.” “No, he doesn’t like computer programming or mathematics, so just quit nagging him.” In some households, parents continue to control their children’s lives well into adulthood, sometimes even as children enter their thirties and forties.
    Besides basic care giving, as a parent the principal help you can provide is to facilitate your children finding their central passion during their teenage years. If one is not there, suggest that they develop one, gently so. Ask them to go on a voyage of discovery about what it takes to achieve the goals they are passionate about; as a rule, the higher the goal, the greater is the effort required, the higher are the chances of failure. Then let go. Let go. Do not manipulate. Do not expect reward and gratitude, you do not have that as a right, no matter what your sacrifice; it was not bargained for by a young child. Do not expect anything. Do not sit there hoping this happens or that happens. Do not ever show off your children. Do not ever interfere in their relationships or manipulate their career choices.
    Do not become a tiger mum or a tiger pop. Just let go. Let…go. It is a new, different human being. Watch what happens. Let the flower bloom. Why is this so hard to understand?


  • “In the series we feature here, Advice to the Young, many an idol of many an aspiring artist and musician offers some broad, existential advice—ways to absorb a little of their process.”
    21 Artists Give “Advice to the Young:” Vital Lessons from Laurie Anderson, David Byrne, Umberto Eco, Patti Smith & More – OPEN CULTURE
  • “This election year is your first introduction to real-time politics. The top two presidential contenders are speaking about a world that has very little to do with anything you have ever experienced… You are looking for something different… It is for this reason that I’ve assembled this highly efficient reading list. I’ve thought very carefully about what it should include and the order in which these readings are assembled. They are meant to be read in the order in which they are listed. There are no gigantic books. They are the most compelling essays that have stood the test of time. What they provide is a new framework of understanding, a lens through which to see the world and your place in it.”
    What Every 20-Year Old Should Know about Liberty – Jeffrey Tucker, FEE 
  • I've been asked way, way, way too many times to suggest a reading list for those who want to get a better handle on the ideas we discuss and promote here at NOT PC. So here it is. I suggest you either start with the articles and work up to the books, or if you want to save time then just start your own reading with Atlas Shrugged.”
    Reading List – NOT PC


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