Monday, 18 March 2013

Beer is beneficial

Politicians and other busybodies obsess about the cost of drinking beer.  Too little analysis focuses on the benefits, so former NOT PC beer writer Neil Miller has undertaken the serious scientific research on the topic for you. Here are the top ten benefits of drinking beer.

1. Beer lessens the constant anxiety of watching the Black Caps bat.

2. After beer, Gareth Morgan's constant lectures become slightly less annoying.*

3. Beer enables people to hold strong opinions on every issue without resorting to research.**

4. Without beer, no one would date in the provinces.

5. Television beer ads employ all young Kiwi actors not talented enough to be on Shortland Street

6. The Government gets lots of money from beer through excise tax, GST and company tax on anyone who manages to make a profit.***

7. Frank Zappa said "You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team or some nuclear weapons." Without beer, New Zealand would only be half a real country.

8. The late-night takeaway food industry depends on beer for patronage.

9. Beer production provides the main ingredient in Marmite.

10. Drinking a frosty beer annoys President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and Professor Doug Sellman.

* There is not enough beer in the world however to make Gareth Morgan sound sane.
** And to voice them with greater eloquence.
*** This is not exactly a benefit.

1 comment:

  1. Sacrilege, I know, but only wine does (2) for me.

    ReplyDelete

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