Speech wars: Let’s play spot the platitudes

If you’re wondering why folk are losing interest in politics even while govt continues to eat out our substance, then the platitudes espoused today in the Battle of the Speeches offer a clue—”visionary” speeches by our two main party leaders that would have (and surely did) turn the speech writers themselves to thoughts of sleep.

So let’s liven things up and play spot the platitude. I’ll give you a line from either Key’s* or Shearer’s** speech, and you tell me which one said it:

New Zealand will be clean, it will be green, it will be clever & and it will be a place that's good for lambs.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

Let me tell you a story about a circus.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

We're working hard to take the country forward.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

We can’t catch Australia, so let’s aim for Finland.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

New Zealanders want their leaders to focus on the future.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

A vision is a marvellous thing.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

We've got an economic action plan with 120 key things to build a more competitive economy.  We are currently developing that plan further.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

We will be presenting detailed and far-reaching policies. We will spend the next two years listening, drawing up our plans. We will accept the best ideas wherever they come from… So let's be clear: I'm not going to offer up some magic bullet.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

People say governments can’t pick winners, but we can.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

New Zealanders care deeply about the quality of public services.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

New Zealanders care how society looks after the most vulnerable.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

We must move forward together, looking after one another along the way.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

The public sector is important.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

If I had to sum up what we need to do in one sentence I'd say this: we need to make a new New Zealand.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

I came into politics to make a difference. And it is time for a clear focus on what will make New Zealand a better place.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

We need to value teachers.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

We need to value public servants.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

If you're prepared to invest in the future, your fate can change.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

Let’s not just sell the world what we’re good at.  Let’s copy what others do instead.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

We live in a world of social media, online sales, internet banking and apps for almost everything.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

Our community must take care of the needy. They deserve a share of the pie. Everyone who can help to make that pie needs to be involved, and fairly rewarded for doing it.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

Everyone in the country deserves and will get a pony.

    Which one: Key or Shearer?

Actually, one or two of  these could well have been trick questions on my part. But only one or two.  Could you spot them?

The fact is, however, it doesn’t matter which one said what. It’s the same brand of paternalist bullshit on both sides.

But check the answers for yourself here and here if you must.

And let’s keep moving forward together, into a new dawn, rubbing shoulders with the future…

[Image from the NZ Herald]

* * * *  *

* Key, John, i.e., that nice man on the telly
** Shearer, David, i.e., leader of the Labour Party***
*** Remember the Labour Party?