Wednesday, June 16, 2010

DOWN TO THE DOCTOR’S: The Crying Game

_richardmcgrathLibertarianz  leader Dr Richard McGrath ransacks the newspapers for stories and headlines on issues affecting our freedom.

This week: The Crying Game

Looks like Len Brown is sorry someone decided to check his credit card spending. If he cried about being outed over an $810 dinner, the documentation from which appears to have be conveniently hazy, he’s going to be inconsolably hysterical over the remaining $17,000 which he slapped on the card over the past three years.

Then there is Damien O’Connor, reliving the car ride of killer Mark Lundy by taking a $700 taxi journey from Wellington to Palmerston North. Like Lundy, O’Connor remembers nothing of the trip.

tics01 The poisoned chalice is next passed to Rick Barker in recognition of his $461 lobster dinner and hotel movies in New Orleans. Meanwhile Chris Carter leads the media on a treasure hunt around the Beehive. What marvellous entertainment! Isn’t it fabulous watching these vermin twist and wriggle? Great days indeed.

Sometimes it’s better to laugh at your enemies, lest you risk becoming bitter and twisted. So, to hopefully brighten up your day, here is some humour on the subject of politics which I gathered up yesterday:

Honesty in politics is light on oxygen; the higher up you go, the scarcer it becomes.

***

The trouble with political jokes is that they get elected.

***

tics02Crime is politics without the excuses.

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Definition of politics: poly as in many; and tics as in small, blood-sucking parasites.

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Put politicians in their place – the local landfill!

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There’s been a report of a fire in the library of Opposition MP Parekura Horomia. Sadly, both books were lost. Sadder still, he hadn’t finished colouring in one of them.

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Electoral slogan: Make Your MP Work – Don’t Re-elect Him.

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Political leaders never seem to have the answers until they write their memoirs.

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Yes, power corrupts – but isn’t that what it’s for? 
[attributed to Chris Carter]

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John Key and Bill English are in a restaurant, hopefully using their own credit cards. The waitress asks if she can take their order. Bill leans close to her and says: “Honey, can I have a quickie?”   The waitress glares at him, gives him a brief lecture on feminism, tells him she’ll never vote National again, and stomps off.  “Bill,” says John Key, “it’s pronounced quiche.”

***

Two politicians are having lunch together. All of a sudden one stands up and shouts: “You’re lying.”

“I know,” replies the other. “But just hear me out.”

***

John Boscawen went into Rodney Hide’s office and found him whooping and hollering.
“What’s the matter, boss?” asked John.
“Nothing at all,” said Rodney. “I’ve just finished this jigsaw puzzle here in record time.”
“How long did it take you?” asked John.
“Well,” said Rodney, “it took me a month, but on the box here it says 3-5 years.”

***

Years ago, Winston Peters decided to take his mother riding on his friend’s farm as a belated Mother’s Day present. Apparently she lasted three hundred metres before her legs gave out.

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It takes four politicians to change a lightbulb – one to actually replace it, and three others to deny what just happened.

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It doesn’t take any Marxists to change a light bulb, because the light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.

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A burglar broke into the Beehive one night and pushed a knife against the chest of a well-dressed man in one of the corridors.
“Give me your money,” he demanded.
“Hang on a minute,” said the well-dressed man, “don’t you know who I am? I’m a senior government minister.”
“In that case,” said the burglar, “give me MY money.”

***

At a church fair, the local MP was served a glass of punch with a warning that it was spiked. The reverend standing behind him said “I would rather commit adultery than allow alcoholic liquor to pass my lips.”  Hearing this, the MP poured his glass back into the punchbowl, explaining to the hostess “I didn’t know we had a choice.”

***

A backbencher was asked about his attitude toward whiskey.
"If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it."
"But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it.
This is my position, and I will not compromise!"

***

Peter Dunne took three of his supporters on an aeroplane flight over the Ohariu Valley, along with a sackful of taxpayer money. The first supporter said, "I will make someone happy!" and throws a ten dollar note off the plane.”
The second supporter said, "I will make five people happy!" and throws 5 ten dollar notes off the plane.
The third supporter said, "I will make 500 people happy!" and throws 500 ten dollar bills off the plane.
Then Peter Dunne says, "Watch this guys, I will make the whole world happy … " and threw the pilot off the plane.

***

When the people fear the government, there is tyranny - when the government
fear the people, there is liberty.
Thomas Jefferson

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