I’m allergic to plastic-bag campaigners
In Vienna a few centuries back they fought off the Turks and saved the West from barbarism.
In Europe in 1815 they rallied together to fight off Napoleon's authoritarian designs on the continent.
In Britain in 1940 they hunkered down alone to defend themselves from Nazism.
But now in modern-day New Zealand we have so few real enemies to rail against (or so some people think) that we take up arms instead against the likes of the humble plastic bag.
Are we insane? And by "we" here, I mean you – you and your friend with the shit-eating mien Russel Norman, and that moron who appeared on TV news last night with the title "Plastic Bag Campaigner" under his mug. How embarrassing it must be to make your one life-time appearance on TV and have that propping up you face! (If the acne-ridden nincompoop has any friends I hoped they videotaped that segment and play it back to him when he's grown up so he can see what an embarrassment he is to humankind.)
Haven't we got some real things to worry about, that we have to start making things up?
Haven't we? Or do these people just feel no shame telling you not just what you can put in your shopping bag, but what sort of damn shopping bag they're going to let you use.
It’s said that more children have more allergies these days because their mothers spend too much time removing any real evils for their immune systems to resist, so they start finding unreal evils like cat hair and peanuts to be immune to instead.
These modern-day vermin are like those They can’t see the bigger picture so concentrate myopically instead on busy-bodying things like your shopping bag and what’s in it.
And get yourselves a life.