Sunday, March 02, 2008

Where's Jesus?

2298923224_6d2d9a6a94_o On a bright Sunday morning when you're just home from church and settling down to an afternoon with the sherry bottle, the question probably occurs to you: Where's Jesus?

Fair question, one that might also occur to you when  you're on your knees beseeching him to help you out of all those little jams and scrapes you've got yourself into.  Fortunately for those worried by this poser, one Damian Peterson has done the research for you.

He calculates that since the moment Jesus was resurrected and began his ascent to heaven, he's been travelling for 1,971 years, and even if he's been travelling at the speed of light that would place him ...  well, go and see.  He's got it all mapped out and everything.

Oh, and in the meantime here's Jesus and Mohammed and a barmaid.

                  2008-01-22

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18 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

You may have missed the rukus going on with Catholics cuz Hagee called Catholicism "The Great Whore".

Catholics are going nuts over the 'insult to their religion'. OK so they're not burning shit, but Islam and Christianity are SO alike.

3/02/2008 02:45:00 pm  
Blogger Rebel Radius said...

Incorrect. They are not SO alike.

You can insult Catholicism till the cows come home and you will not be issued with a death sentence, unless of course you are in Italy or Sardinia, where the situation could be a little different.

However, they do share a nasty desire to force their values onto others and would welcome the removal of secularism.

3/03/2008 10:29:00 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You can insult Catholicism till the cows come home and you will not be issued with a death sentence,

Really? Who shoots doctors who perform terminations and tries to bomb abortion clinics?

Christian wingnuts and the Taliban have many of the same targets and beliefs.

Unmoored at last from the real-world concerns of their own moderates, fundamentalist Christians are gradually imposing their spectacularly bizarre version of a Christianized America on the West.

Honking on about The Apocalyptic Treat of Islam (TM)is fiddling while Rome burns. You laugh about them being in the stone age - well that's where WE are heading.

3/03/2008 11:55:00 am  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That's Threat - not treat - don't want to upset you too much now...

3/03/2008 11:57:00 am  
Anonymous John. F. Minto said...

Jesus was a wanker. He never had any girlfriend in his whole life. He frequently made love to his right hand.

3/03/2008 12:02:00 pm  
Anonymous LGM said...

Anonymous

Perhaps there is a difference between fundamentalist Christians in the USA and Catholics in, say, NZ. What do you think?

LGM

3/03/2008 12:02:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm not too sure LGM.

They're all nutjobs.

I've just finished reading the lurid and preposterous adventures of Catholic saints. Don't try and tell me that rubbish is any different to the 72 virgins idiocy ;-)

3/03/2008 12:49:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No Mr Minto, Jesus was Italian. How do we know? Three proofs.

1) He lived at home till he was 30

2) Thinks he is the son of God

3) Swears his mother was a virgin

QED

Insider

3/03/2008 04:08:00 pm  
Blogger Greg B said...

gosh,
pretty well reasoned commentary occurring on this thread and by "well reasoned" I mean garden variety, down home bigotry.

3/03/2008 04:08:00 pm  
Anonymous LGM said...

Anon

Re the saints you were reading about; please elaborate. It'd be interesting to know more.

LGM

3/03/2008 04:17:00 pm  
Anonymous LGM said...

Greg B you weenie,

You'll have to do better than that. Your silliness reveals much about your tiny wee mind and your limited horizons.

LGM

3/03/2008 04:19:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LGM I've just finished a book from the library - A-Z of Catholic Saints.

Take St Lawrence - patron saint of cooks and brewers - because during being spit-roasted he said "Turn me over - that side is done".

Every yeartheVatican blows the dust off the reliquary holding his head and places it on display in order that Catholic faithful might gaze upon it and do whatever it is one does when reverencing a gruesome mummified body part.

"His charred body was claimed by the Christians, and his mummified skull is still in the care of the popes. At the Vatican on the tenth of August every year they expose in its golden reliquary the head of Saiont Lawrence that still, in the distorted mouth, in the burned bone of the skull, shows the agony he suffered to defend the archives of the popes." --Maria Luisa

Pray to the spirit of a dead man while kneeling before a golden case holding his dessicated head? Not me.


So this is superior to Islam - I think not.

3/03/2008 04:45:00 pm  
Anonymous LGM said...

Why was he murdered? Who did it?

LGM

3/03/2008 06:14:00 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

He was killed at the instruction of Roman Emperor Valerian in 258 AD. Apparently.

Not trying to trip me up are you - he wasn't killed by a Muslim.

Anyway why don't you blog - I will point my readers muzzles in your direction. My posting here annoys PC - hence the anonymity.

3/03/2008 07:45:00 pm  
Blogger greg said...

Baiting is a socialist technique second only to banging your shoe and just as articulate.

3/04/2008 12:00:00 am  
Anonymous LGM said...

No, not trying to trip you up. I am interested in history and was curious to know more. Nevertheless, the whole business of burning a man on a spit is barbaric. Makes you wonder what sick mind would dream it up, let alone actually do it to someone. The business of ceremonially killing a man is gruesome.

A few years back I read, "The last face you'll ever see." This dealt with executions in more recent times, in particular execution by gas in the USA. Chilling.

--

Blogging. I've not thought about doing that. Mostly I read and post a few comments from the office (which is a little naughty). Usually I think about what the others have written before having a go. The main disappointment is the lack of substance to the majority of contributions. Not much comprehension or thinking going on.

--

Why do you reckon your contributions annoy the site host? The only issue I can se is that there are several "anonymous" posters and readers get confused as to who is which. It would be better to post under a tag of some sort. Make one up!

LGM

3/04/2008 06:51:00 am  
Anonymous LGM said...

Greg B said...
gosh,
pretty well reasoned commentary occurring on this thread and by "well reasoned" I mean garden variety, down home bigotry.
3/03/2008 04:08:00 PM

greg said...
Baiting is a socialist technique second only to banging your shoe and just as articulate.
3/04/2008 12:00:00 AM


Talking about yourself again Greg?

LGM

3/04/2008 06:54:00 am  
Blogger Dismal Soyanz said...

Just to digress and talk about the original post, of course the underlying assumptions are that a) Jesus cannot circumvent the laws of physics (why create them if you can't bend them to suit your own devine whim) and b) He did not stop off at Ursula Minor for a spot of sightseeing.

3/04/2008 07:54:00 am  

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