Saturday, 7 October 2006

Dripping wet

There comes a time in every dinner party when someone will say something so dripping wet that embarrassing silence is the only polite response. Unfortunately, this morning over breakfast, I read the wettest line I'm likely to hear this weekend in National's glossy, new, full-colour environmental brochure, after which it very nearly had my breakfast over it.

"We did not inherit the land from our ancestors," the brochure informed me, "we have borrowed it from our children." Whoops, there goes my breakfast.

As dripping wet statements go, that has to be up there in the 'so-wet-as-to-be-of-tidal-wave -proportions' stakes, doesn't it? Do you have anything wetter with which you can beat that? Anything else that even a greeting card company would reject as too cringing? You know the sort of thing:
  • "It takes a village to raise a child."

  • " Peace on earth will come to stay, when we live Christmas every day."

  • "What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and hug your family."

  • "If you did not begin this day with a smile, it is not too late to start practicing for tomorrow."
Can't you just feel a whole deluge of moisture welling up?

Can you beat these? Can you come up with a real whizzer of wetness to add to these?

If you can, and if possible, try and add a rejoinder, eg., "The meek will inherit the earth, but only after the strong have raped and pillaged it." Or, "It takes a village to raise a child, but it takes a cossack to raze a village."

Have a go, ya mug.

18 comments:

  1. I give you John Lenin:

    Imagine no possessions
    I wonder if you can
    No need for greed or hunger
    A brotherhood of man
    Imagine all the people
    Sharing all the world

    You may say that I'm a dreamer
    But I'm not the only one
    I hope someday you'll join us
    And the world will live as one.

    brings tears to my eyes

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  2. leelion, I feel like throwing up whenever I hear that loathsome piece of crap.

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  3. Here is the wettest ever comment: "Reality is subjective." I've heard that one many times and it's one no one will top.

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  4. I'm not here to judge, I'm here to suspend all reason and logic.

    I may disagree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it ... well, maybe not to my death.

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  5. 'Two Wrongs don't make a Right, but two Wrights make an aeroplane'

    (it wroks better when you say it!)

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  6. For cringe factor it's hard to beat 'The Universe will provide'

    Hippies love that one. It's a variant on 'God will Provide'

    My comeback is 'God/the Universe helps those who get off their arses and makes it happen!'

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  7. "vengeance is mine, saith the Lord"
    quoted by peaceniks frequently.

    Yeah, but he sub-contracts....

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  8. No, two wrongs don't make a right. You need three lefts for one of those.

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  9. Anything that includes something about "the innocence of children." Gag me.

    People who go on about dogs being better people than people. Barf.

    People who open their arms expansively and proclaim, "Oh, what a gloriously beautiful day! How can you NOT believe in God?"

    Well, I will after you step on that rattlesnake.

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  10. WET: "There's no 'I' in team."

    REPLY: "And now there's no 'U' in it either, arsehole. You're fired. "

    * * * * *

    WET" "Why can't we all just get along."

    REPLY: "How about I just go get a long rope for your neck."

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  11. Robert Winefield8 Oct 2006, 19:39:00

    Wet: Anyone quoting Sun Tzu out of a military context.

    Wet: "Don't criticize someone, until you've walked a mile in your shoes."

    Action: Obtain their shoes, walk one mile and then telephone them and call them anything that takes your fancy. Remember, they are a mile away and barefoot.

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  12. and the lyrics of phil collins songs

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  13. and the winner is ...

    Te Tari Taake
    It is our job to be fair


    SG

    Please send choclate fish to:
    Hon Michael Cullen
    Parliament Buildings
    Molesworth Street
    Wellington 6160
    New Zealand

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  14. New contender: "Visualise world peace."

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  15. Thanks, troops! I laughed out loud .. blow-drying the Wet Ones always makes my day!

    PC, I just opened today's mail to find the Nats' (non-glossy) brochure entitled: 'A Bluegreen Vision for NZ' enclosed with a personally-addressed letter from my local MP identifying me (me!?) 'as a person who cares about what happens to the environment'.

    There was no mention of the wording you state, but this advisory group is 'committed to exploring environmental policy in areas such as biosecurity, conservation and outdoor recreation, and investigating ways to integrate environmentally-friendly values into mainstream policy-making'.

    The first of their five principles?: Resource use must be based on sustainability.

    I feel a letter to these clowns coming on ... :)

    Oh, and as for chuckworthy-wetness ... did you see their logo?

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  16. How about those painful black-text-on-yellow-diamond car stickers that say 'Baby on Board'.

    Yup. Whenever I see one, I say 'Righto; I'll run into the back of the next one instead'.

    Jeez Louise.

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  17. The 'Save the Happy Valley Coalition'.

    (Can you just imagine the assorted sandal-wearing, Greenpeace-supporting, anti-privatisation Bleeding Hearts involved.)

    Oh, there you are, John Minto! :)

    Hey, PC, this is fun. Almost worth an ongoing side-post which can be added to as they arise?

    I do love a bit of ridicule ..

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  18. Sometimes you cry ... and nobody is there to see your tears

    Sometimes you are worried ... and nobody is there to share your fears

    Sometimes you are happy ... and there is no one near to see your smile

    But fart just once...

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