Security warnings

9/11 contemplation today shouldn't rule out humour. Here's a post I first saw at Noodle Food satirising security warning levels around the world.

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved'. Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorised from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability. It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert.

Italy has increased the alert level from "shout loudly and excitedly" to "elaborate military posturing." Two more levels remain, "ineffective combat operations" and "change sides".

The Germans also increased their alert state from "disdainful arrogance" to "dress in uniform and sing marching songs." They have two higher levels: "invade its neighbors" and "lose."

Diana at Noodle Food suggests the US should consider rename their alert levels to

1. "Refuse to identify the enemy."
   
2. "Demand concessions from your allies to your enemies."
   
3. "Fight half a war in the wrong place," and
   
4. "Appease while quaking in fear of barbarians at the gates."

Meanwhile, here in New Zealand security warnings have the following levels:

1. "We live in an incredibly benign security environment."
2. "We live in a benign security environment."
3. Huh?!
   
4. Help!

LINKS: Too damn funny - Noodle Food

RELATED: War, Humour