Thursday, 23 March 2006

George Carlin gives 2006 a kick

A bit late, but I've finally stumbled upon George Carlin's rules for 2006. Robert Winefield has posted them, which saves me the problem of violating copyright. My favourites:
  • New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.
  • New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.
  • New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.
  • New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
CORRECTION: Robert has clarified that these ain't George Carlin's rules at all, but Bill Maher's from the HBO programme 'Real Time.' Never trust a scientist, especially one living in Kansas. A clue that it wasn't Carlin's should have been that nowhere in the entire piece is there any use of the word 'fuck.'

LINK: George Carlin's Bill Maher's Rules for 2006 - Robert Winefield's SOLO Blog

TAGS: Humour

5 comments:

  1. Robert Winefield23 Mar 2006, 11:06:00

    "which saves me the problem of violating copyright"

    Whoops!! ~That's ironic~ given certain arguments I've had lately. I will fix this right away... Teach me for reposting stuff that comes into my inbox and is cc'd to 30 people...

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  2. Or perhaps you could add your own new New Rule: When posting stuff by socialists, however funny they are, copyright rules in their favour are waived.

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  3. Robert Winefield23 Mar 2006, 12:25:00

    It's happened to me again! I fell for a fake! These are actually Bill Maher's "New Rules" and were part of the HBO program Real Time.

    Sigh. You just can't trust ~anything~ sent to you from an Australian can you?

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  4. The clue for both of us that it wan't George Carlin should have been the non-appearance of the word 'fuck.'

    Fuck.

    "You just can't trust ~anything~ sent to you from an Australian can you?"

    And that should have been an obvious clue.

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  5. Robert Winefield23 Mar 2006, 17:37:00

    "Never trust a scientist, especially one living in Kansas. A clue that it wasn't Carlin's should have been that nowhere in the entire piece is there any use of the word 'fuck.'"

    Touche!

    ReplyDelete