A major research institution (MRI) has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Governmentium," extracted from samples of the mineral Bureaucratite.Many thanks to the UK Independence Party for this. In case you're wondering, that's the same UK Independence Party that may be shut down by the UK's campaign contribution rules -- under similar rules as are proposed here in NZ (and for similar reasons).
Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 deputy neutrons, 75 assistant neutrons, and 224 deputy assistant neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no protons or electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every action with which it comes into contact. A reaction which would normally take less than a second to complete takes 4 days to complete after contact with just a minute amount of Governmentium -- reactions which would normally take weeks, will take months.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 3 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time since each organisation will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass."
When catalysed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
That's what happens when any element meets its anti-matter equivalent: annihilation.
LINKS: Political cartoons from a Eurorealist perspective - UK Independence Party, West Bournemouth Branch
UKIP faces ruin over donations - Telegraph
Bureaucratite - Wikipedia
RELATED POSTS ON: British Politics, Free Speech, Humour